Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
