we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
