I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there is glitter all over my balls
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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