What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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