you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
