He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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