i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
