Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize