Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
