Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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