cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
