I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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