Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
