I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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