it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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