I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
