I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize