White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
