god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
