if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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