umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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