I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize