he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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