the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the condom got lost in my hair
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
