Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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