do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
