Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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