I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize