Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
