Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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