he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
