weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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