I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
