and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
