he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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