I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
