the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
