ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
