Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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