forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
