And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
