Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize