I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
