So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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