Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
