There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
