What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
