I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't turn off my feet"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
