Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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