you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
