god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize