I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
