I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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