Im at strip club and am horny
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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