just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My ass is underappreciated
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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