i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
