Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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