I think i peed on brittanys purse
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
