He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
