I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
