People with herpes should wear stickers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
FUCK WHALES
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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