Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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