I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
