do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
