two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
